November 2011
“It looks as though ‘#livetweetingMonsterMash’ will not be coming...”
– Variety 
Nov 1st
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Nov 1st
October 2011
Oct 31st
Oct 31st
8 notes
An apple a day keeps a doctor away So does the...
Oct 31st
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"That's not my cup of tea!" -- Someone who...
Oct 31st
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Oct 31st
Oct 31st
Oct 31st
770 notes
“T. Rexs would have trouble slapping a bitch”
– Mom
Oct 30th
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Oct 30th
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Oct 30th
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“I OWN A STAGECOACH MOTHERFUCKER!!”
– Pat Buchanan
Oct 30th
There was a rabbi at my synagogue named Jerry Danzig, which is the exact same name as the bassist from The Misfits if he married the singer.
Oct 29th
3 notes
Levon Helm yelling “swag”
Oct 28th
WTF, a sharkskin suit is not made from shark skin?
Oct 28th
“Do not speak to him unless you are spoken to.”
– From an email sent to staffers on the Herman Cain campaign about how to behave while traveling in a car with the GOP candidate. (via officialssay) Finally, a candidate for people who hate people.  (via inadvisable) Note: I’ve always suspected Herman Cain was like everyone’s crazy, misanthropic old...
Oct 27th
132 notes
5 tags
Oct 27th
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“…we never did get mojo potatoes.”
– lichman
Oct 27th
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I can walk through walls, specifically if they...
#05jokebook 
Oct 27th
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Oct 27th
109 notes
3 tags
“Keep it Real!”
– Chinese magistrate who banned TV shows that included “fantasy, time-travel, random compilations of mythical stories, bizarre plots, absurd techniques, even propagating feudal superstitions, fatalism and reincarnation, ambiguous moral lessons, and a lack of positive thinking.”
Oct 27th
8 notes
Place Palace Palance Parlance
Oct 26th
Dont u hate it when u order kibbe and & it comes &...
Oct 25th
“EasyJet set”
–  Young hip people in Europe and surrounding areas who manage to travel and party all over the place, on a low budget, thanks to low-cost carriers like EasyJet and Ryanair.
Oct 25th
2 tags
Oct 24th
“Seen some raccoons in the recycling dumpster and on top of the hedge.”
Oct 24th
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Oct 24th
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3 tags
Oct 24th
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WatchWatch
Aykroyd as the 99% Chase as Occupy Wall Street detractors.
Oct 23rd
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Oct 23rd
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2 tags
Last thing about D.I.Y. Four Loko
I adapted Buzzfeed’s recipe from last year’s Four Loko buzz for tonight’s concoction.  Their recipe calls for St. Ides and caffeine pills. I couldn’t find the 8.2% malt liquor so I went with King Cobra which is 6%. I think that there is a negative history of putting pills into party drinks so I didn’t. It’s a strictly BYOCP party.  I filled the contents into a...
Oct 22nd
16 notes
6 tags
ListenI picked up some Native Instrument VSTs, so I can...
Oct 22nd
15 notes
4 tags
Oct 22nd
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Oct 22nd
33 notes
Wednesday in Spanish
¿Cuandosdia?
Oct 21st
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October 31st in Austria
Hallo Wien
Oct 21st
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This is a good slogan for UC Irvine - "Derrida and...
Oct 20th
Vuvuzealous
Oct 20th
1 note
Oct 19th
69 notes
3 tags
WatchWatch
Another great sketch by Uncle Mom
Oct 18th
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Oct 18th
1 note
1 tag
Color Lines: A History of Georgia’s 1%: Why You... →
Oct 18th
7 tags
Bilingual jokes about frat boys are Bromas.
Oct 18th
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4 tags
Wild Fermentation - Making Sauerkraut is Easy!  →
I’m about to enter the kraut game motherfuckers.
Oct 18th
37 notes
If a girl tells me that I should add her on facebook, is that good? Like do you think she’ll want to go out with me?
It’s a good sign, why don’t you add her, send her a message, spark up conversation, take it to chat, then ask her on a date?
Rob made me feel bad about my car.
So. We don’t live in Sweet Valley High. It doesn’t matter.
I wish it was easier to talk to girls who are attractive.
Oct 18th
1 note
SJP*SJP
Students for Justice in Palestine & Sarah Jessica Parker Budget cuts means student groups have to merge together. 
Oct 17th
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mobius1ski: Lies, damned lies & antisemitism at... →
Oct 17th
61 notes
6 tags
Slacktory: The Best Occupy Wall Street Conspiracy... →
I wrote some jokes about five Occupy Wall Street conspiracies. 
Oct 17th
18 notes
Oct 17th
4 notes